Q. How many policemen does it take to *break* a lightbulb?
A. None. It fell down the stairs...
Q. How many of The Mission does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. They produce enough vague imagery by themselves.
Q. How many corpses does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Lots.
Q. How many circuits lecturers does doetake to change a lightbulb?
A1. None. The bulb does it itself out of sheer boredom.
A2. I don't know. I was asleep at the time.
Q. How many feminists does doetake to change a lightbulb?
A. One (of course!)
Q. How many beeb hackers does dt take to change a lightbulb?
A. James thinks "Wouldn't it be fun to change the lightbulb on fileserver FDFS-A so that the drive light is brown?" "No," says Robert (T), who is writing an animation of a semi-intelligent pixel going shopping to send to BEEBUG. Robert (A) turns from writing a double-precision SINC function in 6502 in hex to say "No," and James gives up on the idea. He then goes to McDonalds, and scratches the 'Soren Kierkegaard' bit off a Trivial Pusuit card (the question was, "Who said 'It is better to be an evil person than a good cipher'"). The legend underneath says 'WIN REG LIGHTBULB'. Collecting this, he comes back and changes this while Alan Wardle is testing a cattle - prod on some 68000 machine-code programmers (and not looking over his shoulder). Unfortunately, this was noticed and FDFS-A was sent back to SJ (which is why you can't see the brown light anymore).
Q. How many Non-linear dynamicists does dt take to change a light bulb?
A. While Ed Lorentz is setting up waterwheels directly underneath the light- bulb, Mitch Feignbaum is undergoing pitchfork bifurications dn one corner of the room. Benoit Mandelbrot is calculating the fractal dimension of the bulb, and at the same time Poincare is taking cross-sections of the old bulb. While this is happening a strange attractor is set up (Wayne Hussey) inside the socket and the bulb goes into the socket when the butterfly flaps it's wings and diverts hurricane Gilbert.
Q. How many Management Scientists does dt take to change a lightbulb?
A. 18. 1 to change it,
2 to dunk their floppies in coffee,
15 to act as Computing Technical Advisors.
Q. How many strong men does dt take to change a light bulb?
A. One.
Q. How many strong men does it take to change a heavy bulb?
A. Two.
Q. How many WIMPs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. You use WIMPs? eeeugh!...
Q. How many WIMPs does dt take to change a lightbulb?
A. What a strange question...
[Hint: What a charming joke. Top that!]
Q. How many fundamental particles does dt take to change a lightbulb?
A. One and a quarker.
Q. How many Friends does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. One and a Quaker.
Q. How many non-linear Dynamicists does doetake to change a light bulb?
A. 3. 1 to change the bulb,
2 to tell the world what a revolutionary thing they're doing.
Q. How many IBM PCs does doetake to change a lightbulb?
A. Stack overflow
Q. How many AS/400s does dt take to change a lightbulb?
A. "Unrecognised object type in job DSP01 under QINTER. Reply?____________"
Q. How many ZX81s does dt take to change a lightbulb?
A. 6/0
Q. How many armaments manufacturers does dt take to manufacture a lightbulb?
A. Change a lightbulb? He can't even build an astable!
(but nor can I - author)
Q. How many Owens Park students does dt take to change a lightbulb?
